It took two heart attacks, liver failure, and having Sabe cross my path, before I could be honest about what my environment was telling me. I was dying and needed help. After 37-years of substance abuse to cope with colonialism, I found myself obese, suffering with anxiety and depression, having Type 2 diabetes, and holding onto unresolved traumas.

Coping with Colonialism 

Lee Maracle (Personal Communication, 2019), shared, “The word addiction doesn’t really capture what we’re experiencing in our communities.” Adding, “We’re coping with pain from the rapid loss of land, culture, and language due to historical and ongoing colonialism.”

In my experience, the current practices of addiction frameworks focus on historical traumas stemming from colonialism, but no attention is paid to the fact that colonialism is ongoing, accelerating and is just as damaging. Without there being an acknowledgement that colonial crimes against Indigenous peoples are continuing, then we’re often left feeling confused at who we’re to hold accountable for what is deemed “addictive behavior”.

It’s often Indigenous peoples that are left holding the bag of accountability, rather than the colonial state. We’re told that our self-destructive behaviors stem from the Residential School project, non-attaching alcoholic parents, and the Sixties Scoop. Further, we’re told the “colonial crimes didn’t happen.” or “weren’t that bad”. Or, “I’m not accountable for the behaviors of my ancestors”. It’s hard to move onto any notion of social justice, reconciliation, or meaningful healing when the colonial state seems fixated on denying their crimes and escaping accountability.

Lee went on to say that, “As long as colonialism is allowed to continue, then there will be no end to unresolved traumas.” Adding, “The traumas will simply change shape and present differing challenges for future generations.” If we want the trauma to stop, then colonialism must cease.

Allowing Others to Help Me Heal

Learning how to love myself hasn’t been easy as I have spent the past 37 years coping with colonialism. However, I can heal with the help of others, the land, through the cultural practices of Indigenous peoples, and Western medicine. However, I must remain critical of the fact that my learned self-destructive behaviors are a colonial prescription given to my generation to experience at this given time in the story of the colonist. As I transcend the illusions of colonialism, I find myself digging for my own truths that depart from the story of the colonizer. It is these pathways that have the potential to provide a new sense of freedom and healing for my life journey.

For me, self-love meant joining a gym to lose weight, trying anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications, taking my diabetes medications regularly, changing my diet, seeing a clinical therapist, and infusing the Seven Sacred teaching into my life. At first, I was stunned at how difficult practicing self-love was for me, but it got easier with the positive reinforcements from my mind, body, spirit, family and friends.

Call to Action

Ask yourself, whose story am I in and how did I get here?